Elevator pitch: A smartass who’s dreamed of flying since the womb irreverently spins his career flying supersonic jets, globe-trotting cargo planes and commercial airliners.

Lacking means, connections, confidence, and any fashion sense, no one would have bet I’d become a pilot, especially me. Dissed Approach: Irreverent Adventures from 30,000 Feet tells how I earned my wings then traveled five continents in supersonic jets, globe-trotting cargo planes and commercial airliners.

Written in layman’s terms, Dissed gives a humorous spin to an insider’s view of military and civilian aviation. My career almost never got off the ground because my woeful marching skills had me detonating officer trainee formations. Pulling six Gs in my supersonic jet was a blast; doing so with a throbbing ingrown toenail was humiliating and harrowing. Landing a 170-ton cargo plane trailing a 50-foot wall of flame unleashed my coarse “inner New York” on my socially inept copilot. There are also somber scenes, such as losing 11 squadron mates and managing an airborne security scare just four days after 9/11.

Dissed Approach is a merging of An Officer and a Gentleman and the aviation classic Fate is the Hunter, except Dissed adds David Sedaris-like mocking and asides throughout. Dissed will appeal to fans of an aviation memoir like A Higher Call (a Penguin Random House “Best Seller”) and will equally entertain Bill Bryson fans who love fascinating subjects with great punchlines.

Currently a pilot for a major US airline. My work has been featured on the Points in Case, Little Old Lady Comedy, Frazzled and Virginia War Memorial Foundation sites. I have also been published in Frederick Magazine.