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Pursuing the art and craft of compelling storytelling
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| May 21, 2012 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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“Tulip Season:” A shout-out for an author/critique partner
It’s a fun read, and the story and characters are still with me. Here’s the text from the book's Amazon page; I hope you’ll check it out. A missing domestic-violence counselor. A wealthy and callous husband. A dangerous romance. Following the trail, Mitra is lured back to India where she uncovers the actor’s ties to the Mumbai underworld and his financial difficulties–leading her into a web of life-threatening intrigue where Mitra can’t be sure of Kareena’s safety or her own. Which reminds me that no one has taken advantage of my free bookshelf/review posting offer in a while. Ray © 2012 Ray Rhamey |
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| May 18, 2012 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Flogometer for Karen --would you turn the page? Call for submissions: the end of the queue comes soon. If you have a chapter or story that could use some outside eyes, please see the submission directions below. Thanks. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below. A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times. Storytelling Checklist Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are. Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Karen has sent the first chapter of a memoir, Somebody Knows Something. November 17, 1990. Minton, Ohio. On a cold November afternoon, six-year-old Olive Copely goes out to play. Two hours later, she’s gone. She is never found. DANIEL & BRIAN November 17, 1990 There’s a single car travelling down the dusty, dirt road known as Rural Route Two on the outskirts of Minton, Ohio. It’s a 1972 4-speed Dodge Dart, Plum Crazy Purple under the grey road dust; and, although it looks its age, it still can make tracks when it has to. Today it doesn’t have to. Today it’s doing a lazy, zigzag amble back and forth across the road at the hand of a seventeen-year-old kid named Brian Sachs. Sitting next to him is his best friend, sixteen-year-old Dan Simmons, who just turned down The Kinks so he could count to twelve along with St. Patrick’s bells. “That’s twelve on the nose—so where to now, Asshole?” Dan’s smiling as he asks, and he keeps smiling as he closes his eyes and stretches his arm out the open window, letting the cold November wind catch and lift his fingers up, down, up again. “Mr. Asshole to you, asshole,” cracks Brian, flashing a smile. His window is all the way (snip) Yes, but . . . With the powerful story question in the opening, I wanted to turn the page to find out more about what happened to this little girl. And the part that follows suggests that these two had something to do with it. The writing is nicely done, for the most part, but there’s a clarity issue, and I wonder if the tension couldn’t be increased. Notes: November 17, 1990. Minton, Ohio. On a cold November afternoon, six-year-old Olive Copely goes out to play. Two hours later, she’s gone. She is never found. DANIEL & BRIAN November 17, 1990 There’s a single car travelling down the dusty, dirt road known as Rural Route Two on the outskirts of Minton, Ohio. It’s a 1972 4-speed Dodge Dart, Plum Crazy Purple under the grey road dust; and, although it looks its age, it still can make tracks when it has to. I suggest making the opening sentence crisper: A single car travels down the dusty, dirt road known as Rural Route Two on the outskirts of Minton, Ohio. Today it doesn’t have to. Today it’s doing a lazy, zigzag amble back and forth across the road at the hand of a seventeen-year-old kid named Brian Sachs. Sitting next to him is his best friend, sixteen-year-old Dan Simmons, who just turned down The Kinks so he could count to twelve along with St. Patrick’s bells. Clarity issue that took me out of the story--I didn’t know what the St. Patrick’s bells referred to, and had to go back to parse it out. Simply changing “St. Patrick’s” to “the church” would help. I know it’s a way of establishing time of day, and that’s fine--just make sure it’s perfectly clear. “That’s twelve on the nose—so where to now, Asshole?” Dan’s smiling as he asks, and he keeps smiling as he closes his eyes and stretches his arm out the open window, letting the cold November wind catch and lift his fingers up, down, up again. “Mr. Asshole to you, asshole,” cracks Brian, flashing a smile. His window is all the way (snip) While this is fun characterization, this is, after all, the first page. Why not be up front about this? I suggest editing down the description above and changing this line of Brian’s dialogue to include what he says at the top of the next page: Let’s go the long way around so we can swing by the Copely place. This clearly hooks the opening and what follows together, and, for me, enhances my interest because I feel fairly certain that these guys have a part in the little girl’s story. Comments, please? For what it’s worth. Ray Submitting to the Flogometer: Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2012 Ray Rhamey |
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| May 16, 2012 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Flogometer for William--would you turn the page? Call for submissions: the end of the queue comes next week. If you have a chapter or story that could use some outside eyes, please see the submission directions below. Thanks. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below. A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times. Storytelling Checklist Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are. Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
William has sent the first chapter of a memoir, The Delta Convergence. Robert McClain stared at the wrecked maroon Ford F-150 pickup. What caused Tony to go off the road like that? It was noon on the day after Labor Day when McClain waded through the sweltering Mississippi heat and edged around the front of the pickup. With each step, his loafers made a crunching noise in the gravel. He didn’t know what he expected to find. Tony was dead, and McClain wanted to see the vehicle that killed a man he had known since junior high school. The pickup truck stood alone inside a chain-link fenced enclosure next to a red brick building that housed the service bays and office of the combination service station and wrecker service. Dead weeds lined the bottom of the fence, victims of a herbicide. The stillness of the enclosure was broken by the sounds of traffic rushing by on U.S. Highway 61, the main north-south route through the mid-delta town of Cleveland. McClain stopped at the driver’s door. He mopped sweat dripping from his eyebrows with a handkerchief from his chinos and brushed a lock of prematurely gray hair into place. With the same hand he shaded his slate-blue eyes from the sun to get a better look at the truck. He wished he had brought his sunglasses. At first glance, the truck looked like any other wrecked vehicle. Its fenders and sides were bent and crushed. The hood had buckled upward into a v-shape. Its roof was caved in somewhat. Nope Besides the lack of tension in this story, there are fixable craft issues. In his effort to help the reader see what he knows about the character and the scene, there’s a plethora of description that both bogs the pace down and takes us out of the third person close point of view. As for tension, I would cut much of the scene description and detail to get this line from a later page on the first page: A few inches below the door handle, in a fold of steel, were two round holes. Each hole was about the diameter of a dime. That little detail sparks a strong story question. Notes on the narrative: Robert McClain stared at the wrecked maroon Ford F-150 pickup. What had caused Tony to go off the road like that? There’s no real story reason for this kind of description--as far as I know, it’s the fact that it is a pickup that has bearing, not its color or model. It was noon on the day after Labor Day when McClain waded through the sweltering Mississippi heat and edged around the front of the pickup. With each step, his loafers made a crunching noise in the gravel. He didn’t know what he expected to find. Tony was dead, and McClain wanted to see the vehicle that had killed a man he had known since junior high school. The first line I cut seems to be mostly there for getting in the fact that he wears loafers. While clothing may characterize in some circumstances, it doesn’t seem like wearing loafers contributes a lot. The second sentence cut was both telling and, it seems to me, obvious. The opening paragraph has him wondering what caused the wreck, so it’s clear he doesn’t know what to expect to find. The pickup truck stood alone inside a chain-link fenced enclosure next to a red brick building that housed the service bays and office of the combination service station and wrecker service. Dead weeds lined the bottom of the fence, victims of a herbicide. The stillness of the enclosure was broken by the sounds of traffic rushing by on U.S. Highway 61, the main north-south route through the mid-delta town of Cleveland. Now we’re veering into overwriting--the inclusion of detail that neither advances the story nor characterizes. While it’s important to set the scene, do it in swift, broad strokes that give the reader an environment for the context of the action, but no more--unless there are details that have story consequences. None of these do. McClain stopped at the driver’s door. He mopped sweat dripping from his eyebrows with a handkerchief from his chinos and brushed a lock of prematurely gray hair into place. With the same hand he He shaded his slate-blue eyes from the sun to get a better look at the truck. He wished he had brought his sunglasses. Now the description gets into what I see as a point-of-view slip. These details--chinos, gray, slate blue--are all what someone would see from the outside. But no one would think of these things, especially in the midst of doing things. My view: in third person close POV a character never does something that a character would NOT normally think, say, know, or do. I don’t, for example, put on my faded blue denim jeans, I just put on my jeans. At first glance, the truck looked like any other wrecked vehicle. Its fenders and sides were bent and crushed. The hood had buckled upward into a v-shape. Its roof was caved in somewhat. While this is okay, for my money, since we are at the driver’s door, the first thing that should come out is the sentence about the holes that I referenced before. William, practice the use of your delete key and try stripping everything down to the action and bare-bones description and see what you find. You can always expand it, but it would be good to boil the narrative down to its bones and muscle and see how it plays. Comments, please? For what it’s worth. Ray Submitting to the Flogometer: Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
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| May 11, 2012 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Flogometer for Heather--would you turn the page? Call for submissions--I'm down to a couple of weeks of opening chapters to flog, so if you'd like some fresh input on yours, please see the directions below and send me yours. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below. A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times. Storytelling Checklist Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are. Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Heather has sent the first chapter of a memoir, Tell Me What He Did. Note: there are two openings to look at, and two polls. “Run!” I yell to Pam. “They’re right behind you.” She dodges the boys, races past Mommy’s vegetable garden, and heads toward the maple tree in her backyard. If she touches the trunk, we win, and the boys will finally have to keep their promise to play house with us. I kneel behind the shrub. My side aches with each deep breath. Using the hem of my shirt, I wipe sweat off my forehead. Steve sneaks behind Pam and drops the hula-hoop lasso over her head. She kicks and screams as her brother drags her to the cave, the cinderblock barbeque pit in my backyard, and rolls a pretend stone in front of the cave door. Pam beats on the rock. “I can’t escape. They’re going to eat me.” Hula-hoop in hand, Steve turns toward my hiding place. “I’m coming to get you.” “No!” I race toward the tree, but Bobby’s guarding it, hands spread wide to grab me. Maybe I can circle around back. Looking over my shoulder to see where Steve is, I trip on a root, and fall. A piece of gravel jabs deep into my knee. I’m lassoed. “Wait a minute,” I say. “Let me see if I’m bleeding.” No, but . . . The writing is just fine and evokes a real sense of childhood. What happens even manages to suggest a time in the past, a more innocent time than today’s video-game days. But then there’s the matter of tension. I think it’s tougher to create story questions and tensions in memoir for an author who is, necessarily, deep in her memories. While this story opening is fun to read, there’s no real hint of trouble ahead for this little girl. The story is about abuse, but there’s not a hint of that here. So, in my usual fashion, I read deeper into the chapter and found something that worked more strongly for me. See if this narrative, lifted from page 3, works for you in terms of creating tension and the other story factors. Pam and I sit under the maple tree in my backyard. I slowly nibble the chocolate coating off my ice cream bar, trying to make it last as long as possible. A drop of ice cream dribbles on my hand and I suck it off. Pam pokes a straw into her cherry sno-cone, “I don’t want summer to end.” “Me neither.” Not true. School’s safer than home. “In ten days, we’re going to have to get up early and sit in a stupid classroom.” “You’re lucky. There’s no homework in first grade. In second, I’ll have tons.” “Yech, homework.” Pam scrunches her nose. After we finish our ice creams she stands. “Let’s find the boys.” Throwing our sticks and wrappers in the garbage, we walk toward Pam’s house. Steve and Bobby jump out from behind the woodpile, grab us and shout, “Got ya.” I get so tired of boy’s games. A green Plymouth turns onto our street. Pam and the boys race toward my house shouting, “Shirley’s Daddy, Shirley’s Daddy.” My stomach churns as I head home. Comments, please? For what it’s worth. Ray Submitting to the Flogometer: Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2012 Ray Rhamey |
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| May 10, 2012 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Flogometer for Pete--would you turn the page? Sorry that I missed Wednesday morning--I got wrapped up in creating the materials and shopping cart and web pages for an upcoming offer of my four novels for the price of one. Stay tuned. The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below. A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times. Storytelling Checklist Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are. Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Pete has sent the first chapter of Maya. Meredith’s cell phone rings, and she answers hands-free. “Dr. Rosen?” “Yes.” “Please hold, I am going to conference you in with Director Patterson’s team.” She checks the time on her dashboard clock, 5:30 p.m. It’s only an hour since she left the dock in Seattle. Everyone on the team felt conflicted about the decision to scuttle the ship, but she and Jackson had been the only nay votes on a committee of seven, and her dissent was a plea for more time, not an objection to the solution--then why this call? Perhaps someone had reconsidered. The conference coordinator speaks. “All parties are on the line, sir. Press star-star to end the call.” The phone chirps when the technician signs off. “Hello again.” The director’s deep, Georgian drawl is unmistakable. She pictures his face--long and stern, eyes sad and drooping like Deputy Dawg’s. “I have reconvened the team because you must make another difficult decision. Fifteen minutes ago, Captain Marshall, the SEAL in charge of the naval operation, reported that two teenagers were spotted on the bridge of the ship. They are more than fifteen miles out to sea, and at the time of his report, the children were alive.” Yep With the fates of children aboard a ship about to be scuttled, how could I resist? Well, I guess I could have resisted if the writing weren’t strong--but it is. There’s a confident voice and a dramatic situation that delivers powerful tension. I do have a couple of thoughts. Notes: Meredith’s cell phone rings, and she answers hands-free. “Dr. Rosen?” “Yes.” “Please hold, I am going to conference you in with Director Patterson’s team.” She checks the time on her dashboard clock, 5:30 p.m. It’s only an hour since she left the dock in Seattle. Everyone on the team had felt conflicted about the decision to scuttle the ship, but she and Jackson had been the only nay votes on a committee of seven, and her dissent was a plea for more time, not an objection to the solution--then why this call? Perhaps someone had reconsidered. I thought “dashboard clock” was a nifty way to put her in a car without saying anything about driving, etc. Nice. This is a teensy thing, but I think we would stay an iota closer to the character’s POV with the first two sentences combined in this way: She checks the time on her dashboard clock, 5:30 p.m.--only an hour since she left the dock in Seattle. The conference coordinator speaks. “All parties are on the line, sir. Press star-star to end the call.” The phone chirps when the technician signs off. I don’t see this paragraph as contributing anything to the forward motion of the story. “Hello again.” The director’s deep, Georgian Georgia drawl is unmistakable. She pictures his face--long and stern, eyes sad and drooping like Deputy Dawg’s. “I have reconvened the team because you must make another difficult decision. Fifteen minutes ago, Captain Marshall, the SEAL in charge of the naval operation, reported that two teenagers were spotted on the bridge of the ship. They are more than fifteen miles out to sea, and at the time of his report, the children were alive.” While “Georgian” is technically correct, I think “Georgia” works better for this reason: we wouldn’t say a “Texan” drawl or a “Louisianan” drawl. I suggest that Pete use the two lines of room created by the deletion of the phone operator to somehow include an allusion to the fact that the ship the children are on is contaminated with an unstoppable and deadly virus, which is the reason for sinking the ship. This would raise the stakes. Nice work. Comments, please? For what it’s worth. Ray Submitting to the Flogometer: Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2012 Ray Rhamey |
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A shout-out for Molly’s memoir
Full disclosure: I designed the book cover and interior, and I have designed several other books for Molly’s company, Fuze Publishing. But that’s not why I’m advocating her book. It’s because it’s a wonderful read, and a window into life that is worth the trip. Here’s the summary from the back of the book: The General battles Parkinson's; his wife manifests a bizarre dementia. Their grown children embrace what seems a solution—an upscale retirement community. Between laughter and dismay, discover what shines beneath catastrophe: family bonds, the dignity of even an unsound mind, and the endurance of the heart. And here are a couple of the blurbs: “Dignity and unexpected comedy at the dark end of a family romance.” Merrill Leffler, editor, Dryad Press; poet, Mark the Music “A story both familiar and rare, beautiful and harrowing. Mary Edwards Wertsch, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress You can buy it at their website or the usual online resources. I highly recommend it. The writing is delightful and absorbing. If you’re interested in the design story, there’s a brief show-and-tell here and here and here--it’s my current featured cover design. For what it’s worth, Ray © 2012 Ray Rhamey Send author a comment on this post
Flogometer for Glenda--would you turn the page? The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective. Note: all the Flogometer posts are here. What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below. A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times. Storytelling Checklist Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are. Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.
Glenda has sent the first chapter of Sullivan: On the Redus Trail. December 1863 – Devine, Texas Something pulled Sallie from her restless sleep. In bed beside her, her dog Oso sniffed the air. Laying his ears back, a low growl began deep in his tiny throat. Sallie looked around the cabin. Nothing seemed out of place. Annie and her children, George Jr. and Lisbeth, huddled in their four poster bed sound asleep. Tom, Nelson and another slave lay on a pallet on the floor in front of the hearth, also sleeping. From the other room she heard the rustle of a comforter and her father’s raspy cough. Sallie whispered to Oso, “Go to sleep, boy. It’s okay.” She rolled over and snuggled deeper beneath the covers. Oso jumped from the bed and raced across the hard-packed dirt floor to the front door. He scratched at the oak and tried to dig under the door. Keeping her voice low, Sallie said, “Hush, Oso. You’ll wake the children.” She yawned and glanced out the window. The soft rose glow of the sun crept over the horizon, a precursor to the deeper blue of morning. Oso scampered back to the bed, jumped up and began pawing at the blanket before grabbing it in his teeth and tugging on it. “Okay, okay. I’m getting up but I swear if you wake Mary Jennette, I’m going to toss you outside with the coyotes.” Sallie slipped a shawl around the shoulders of her flannel nightgown to ward off the chill of the December morning before lighting a kerosene lantern. A shiver ran down her spine. She looked over her shoulder at the (snip) I waffled, which means a no, but it would be easy to make stronger Very nice writing and a scene well set. Here and there the writing could be tightened a little, and I’ll make suggestions. There are some participles that could go away to make the narrative action crisper. For me, the dog’s actions almost got me there . . . but he could have also just needed to go out and relieve himself. We don’t know enough to judge his behavior, and I think that’s the addition that could get this page turned with me. If Sallie feels (out loud to the reader) that what Oso does is extremely unusual, that would help. I’ll try adding something as a thoughtstarter in the notes. Something pulled Sallie from her restless sleep. In bed beside her, her dog Oso sniffed the air. Laying his ears back, a low growl began deep in his tiny throat. Sallie looked around the cabin. Nothing seemed out of place. Annie and her children, George Jr. and Lisbeth, huddled in their four poster bed sound asleep. Tom, Nelson and another slave lay on a pallet on the floor in front of the hearth, also sleeping. From the other room she heard the rustle of a comforter and her father’s raspy cough. I’m not happy about the vague “something” pulling her from sleep. Why not make it more immediate and connect it with the dog’s alarm to increase her tension? For example: A low growl from Oso pulled Sallie from a restless sleep. In bed beside her, her tiny dog lifted his head, sniffed the air, and laid his ears back. Etc. I added a paragraph break for easier reading. Sallie whispered to Oso, “Go to sleep, boy. It’s okay.” She rolled over and snuggled deeper beneath the covers. Oso jumped from the bed and raced across the hard-packed dirt floor to the front door. He scratched at the oak and tried to dig under the door. Sallie stared; she’d never seen him do anything like this. Keeping her voice low, Sallie said, “Hush, Oso. You’ll wake the children.” She yawned and glanced out the window. The soft rose glow of the sun crept over the horizon, a precursor to the deeper blue of morning. Oso scampered back to the bed, jumped up and began pawing pawed at the blanket before grabbing and then grabbed it in his teeth and tugging tugged on it. “Okay, okay. I’m getting up but I swear if you wake Mary Jennette, I’m going to toss you outside with the coyotes.” Sallie slipped a shawl around the shoulders of her flannel nightgown to ward off the chill of the December morning before lighting a kerosene lantern. A shiver ran down her spine. Something’s wrong, I feel it. She looked over her shoulder at the (snip) I moved her thought up from later in this paragraph to get it on the first page. Increasing her tension can help increase ours. Let us know in comments if you feel the additions and editing help get the page turned. Comments, please? For what it’s worth. Ray Submitting to the Flogometer: Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):
© 2012 Ray Rhamey |
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I am loving your blog! I read every entry and it's reminding me of important things about fiction writing. Keep up the great work. I was at once impressed, delighted and amused. Your insights into the writing process are dead on! Steven Gillis (author of Walter Falls and The Weight of Nothing) I've been enjoying your sharp-tongued exploration of minced and mangled words. I'm a fan. Good stuff every time. Have you ever thought of writing a book on writing from a freelance editor's point of view? The last two blog entries alone would be worth the cost of the book--I've never come across that information before and I've read extensively on the subject. You are a wealth of information and it is easy to read. Thought your post was clever and inspirational. Thanks for the help. I think your blog is a tremendous service to humanity (or at least the handful of aspiring authors I know.) Your blog is fabulous � hope you don�t mind if I give you a little publicity to my writer friends. I must say that I enjoy reading your blog articles. They are very informative, funny , and interesting. I think you should save them for a book. |
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I'm a novelist/freelance editor, and author of "Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells" (a most useful writing craft book). Most clients are first-time novelists. I've written 5 novels, had one literary agent (am looking for a new one). |
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