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The Adventures of COMMA BOY
by:  Keith Cronin
e-mail:  keithwriter@hotmail.com
web:  http://www.keithcronin.com
Finally - a comic strip ONLY for smart, attractive people!
June 23, 2007

Comma's Greatest Hits



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February 17, 2007

FINN: the first NEGATIVE review

Folks, it's just inevitable.

With all the accolades and rave reviews Jon Clinch's debut novel FINN is getting, it's inevitable that eventually his winning streak will break, and somebody will post a negative review. So my thinking is: let's get it over with sooner rather than later, so we can get back to more positive reviews.

With that in mind, I offer the following, found on an obscure blog that an anonymous blogger writes about other people's anonymous blogs, about the anonymous blogs that they read.

So here it is. All I can say is, don't hate the messenger!


FINN: NOT WHAT YOU'RE EXPECTING!

Okay, I bought this book with high hopes. It's Random House's lead title, and getting tons of press. So I was completely unprepared for what a disappointment it was, and am amazed that nobody else has clocked the glaring flaws in this book.

1) There's no shark. I mean, WTF? The title is about fins, there's a picture of a boat on the water on the book cover, so I'm expecting some kick-ass shark action. But do I get any? Noooooooo - in fact, the book takes place on freaking FRESH water, and anybody (like me) who's seen all the Jaws movies (except for #4, which sucked - you can skip that one) KNOWS that Great Whites live in SALT water. I mean, duh!

2) There's no high-speed boat chases. Okay - if you're going to hold out on the shark action, you could at least give us some good boat chases, maybe with some guys on souped-up jet-skis carrying machine guns. But nooooooooo - the fastest boat in this book runs on fricking STEAM. So even if there's a big boat crash, there's no cool explosion or flames, just a loud hissing sound. Talk about lame-o.

3) There's no hot chicks in bikinis. I mean, like, WTF already? You have a book about water with no sharks and no speedboats, that's one thing. But no hot bikini babes? Seriously, WTF?

4) There's no copy editing. You'd think a big house like Random could fork out the bucks for at least a half-decent proofreader. But nooooooo - there's huge freaking typo - right on the front cover! I mean, anybody who made it through the eighth grade (which I did, even though it took a couple tries, I'll admit) knows that there's only ONE "n" in "fin" - am I right? I mean, just check Wikipedia, which has some kick-ass pictures of sharks, by the way. But that kind of carelessness just goes to show you how little effort went into publishing this book. No shark, no cool boats, no babes, and no spellchecker. It's a disappointment all the way around.

Sorry to rain on everybody's parade, but I call 'em like I see 'em. If you want some kick-ass seafaring fiction, save your money, and get the latest Clive Cussler book. Now THAT guy knows how to write some good boat explosions, and the chicks are always totally hot.

Signed,

an anonymous blogger - trust me.

PS - does anybody know what the hell a "deadfall" is? WTF?

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A B O U T   T H E   A U T H O R

Keith Cronin's short fiction has been published in Carve Magazine, Amarillo Bay, the Bucky Rea Alternative History site, and in a management course taught by the University of Phoenix Online. In addition, Keith was an editor for NFG, an internationally distributed literary journal printed in Canada.

While not yet having sullied his principles by writing a novel anybody could actually sell, Keith is hard at work on his latest novel, about "a guy who does some stuff with a thing." In the meantime, Keith has served for the last 2 years as Toastmaster for the annual Backspace Writers Conference, held at the historic Algonquin Hotel.

A professional rock drummer for over 25 years, Keith has performed and recorded with artists including Bruce Springsteen, Clarence Clemons, and Pat Travers. Not content with being a weekend rock star, he also writes marketing copy for soul-sucking corporations, and is finishing up his MBA.


  recommended links 
Archives of previous Comma Boy comic strips

Backspace - the coolest writer's forum out there

Archives of old Hell Toupee postings

LitPark

Discreet Young Gentleman, by M.J. Pearson

The Horsehair Couch, by Jon Clinch

The website formerly known as Dire Verse

Ovations: Carolyn Burns Bass

A.S. King

Kristin Nelson's Pub Rants

Shelfari - what's on YOUR bookshelf?

Read It and Weep, by Bill Stephens

Her Royal Snarkiness