My name is Nancy Kendall. I have a masters degree in theatre from Northwestern University and a Ph.D. in Instructional Research and Development from Purdue. I have taught English for 28 years. My memoir, Suffer the Little Children, could be compared to Dave Pelzer and Augusten Burroughs.
I think the church made Mama crazy. When she whipped me daily, it was always in the name of Jesus. She'd probably say it was my fault if she knew I was raped when I was four. When I was five, I started self-injuring. I lashed myself, burned, cut, and bashed my head, trying to beat the badness out. When she scrubbed my privates raw each night and rubbed me with lotion after I was in bed, she said it was because I had to be clean for Jesus and Daddy. God, was Jesus mad when I turned out gay. I knew it was a sin when I starved myself, purged, took laxatives, and over-exercised. Mama didn't even notice when I was 45 and weighed 80 lbs. She'd probably say it was the devil's work if she knew about my multiple personalities - all 20 of them. I have disociative identity disorder. I learned about them when I was 22, working with my first therapist. She ended up sleeping with me. Everywhere I turned, I received mixed messages that split my mind.
Two people and one last chance saved my life. When I wanted to die, I found Catherine, my therapist of nine years. She held to boundaries I desperately needed and refused to beat me or bed me no matter how consistently I begged. She held the flashlight as each person told their story, and she loved us through it all. Together, we broke the news to Sarah, my beloved girlfriend, the fact that she was actually married to 20 people. Terrified at first, she slowly met my alters and grew to understand that each held a part of my fractured life. I stayed alive for Sarah. My last chance was a place called Renfrew, an in-patient rehab. center for anorexic and bulemic women. They weaned me from a feeding tube and slowly re-fed me. There, I learned that food is more than a four letter word. My biological family almost destroyed me. Catherine, Sarah, and my alters, who play a daily role in my life, have created a safe place where I can eat, live, laugh, and love. Now I know what it means to have a real family.